No Love, Just Serenity
Saturday, Sept. 27, 2003 @ 18:55
If I died, it wouldn�t matter. Things may even be better that way. Relationship wise, it wouldn�t matter. You see, its just another useless commitment. If you lose (or drop) a commitment, it doesn�t matter. When I dropped trumpet I didn�t cry over it. So why should anyone care? Why should I bother to make anyone care?
Unless, love is involved. That�s when people cry. What about love? Love is blinding, it doesn�t let you see the entire truth. It makes you believe what you want to believe is true. Love makes you hurt.
Is there a such thing as love? Love is only a figment of your imagination. Just like truth. Your mind makes up what you want to believe and what you don't. Just like, your mind makes up what is love and what is not. Your heart chooses what it loves and what it doesn�t. So therefore, yes love exists. At the same time though, love does not. It�s Fallacious. *Love is what you make of it.
Love is an unsolvable mystery, just like dreams.
Death. Another irresolvable mystery. I hate �what if� questions but, what if you get trapped in all your thoughts and dreams when you die? Or worse, if you can still communicate with people telepathically? And somehow strangely die from that too? �If there is a such thing as life after death.� Can you ever really escape from everything? Will I ever know anything? Why do we have to live a life that is frankly too mysterious?
Most importantly, is dying even the best solution? It�s what I keep asking myself over and over again. And why am I leading a life I am not satisfied with? Just to please everyone else? And they don�t even understand the torture depression brings every second that goes by. It�s dragging me down. I�m going under. Yeah, that�s what it is, people will never understand me and that�s okay. As long as its me suffering and not them. As long it�s me that wants to hurt myself and not them.
Jenna
*Song: Godsmack � �Serenity�
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