No more tension
Wednesday, Jan. 24, 2007 @ 22:05
I was supposed to get my blood work done by today but all the labs were closed by one P.M. I told my LL while on our way back to my apartment that I wanted to talk to him in person and not hide behind computer screens. It seems kind of superficial to discuss these things over the Internet. He agreed. I wanted to talk to him last night but I already felt like I was intervening. At first he said he might have time on Friday night but then called and then came over.
Lestat got sick and my LL wanted to take care of it while I studied. I took a brake, and I told him I regretted writing the letter and that I normally don�t do things off the whim without thinking carefully enough. He knew I was stressed out. I felt selfish for not thinking of how the letter would affect him and reassured nothing was his fault. I even told him yesterday when he felt sorry for himself, I wanted to hold his hand but I didn�t want to send him mixed signals and instead told him I needed to talk to him.
We sat down drinking and talked about our feelings. We were very honest with each other. It felt so good holding his hand again, hugging, and kissing him. I know for sure he isn�t using me to get back at his wife. We genuinely care about each other, and couldn�t stand it if we just immediately cut off the relationship. I thought I was going to cry in front of him, but I held my composure. He told me he felt very hurt by the letter and thought he was going to lose me as a friend. I knew that I shouldn�t have given him the letter if I couldn�t have kept it myself. Although we felt betrayed by each other, we gave each other enough time to recover. We dealt with this matter very maturely and our love feels much stronger than before. He is going to tell his wife he is helping me study this weekend. We will have some interesting times, but I will make sure I will get study time in as well.
Jenna
*Song: Papa Roach � Last Resort.
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