I feel like a loser, not a woman.
Wednesday, Jan. 24, 2007 @ 06:40
Email from my LL: �Thank you for your e-mail Jenna I was very sad and hurt last week and your e-mail is helping me get over you. After I take you for your blood work I will not be talking to you for a while, I still have very strong feelings for you and I don't think they will go away as long as I keep seeing you and remembering.�
I should have never written him a letter. I don�t want to get over him. I already miss what we had. What do I tell him? Oh let�s continue messing around behind your wife�s back.
I want to feel this love that still lingers in our hearts. At the time I was hurting and I wanted him to feel the hurt too. That�s not very nice of me.
Before he sent this email, I thought that he finally just gave up on me because of the letter I wrote and I was moving on. I thought he cared about my feelings and gave up because I told him to. Now he still tells me he has feelings for me and he doesn�t want to talk to me or see me. I only have a few months left here and it�s going to be too hard not to talk to him. I don�t want to be ignored. I know I just can�t say forget about everything in the letter and let�s continue from before then.
I went to the mall with him and he definitely was keeping his distance. After he dropped me off I said bye and quickly shut the door. I was always good at telling him how I feel. I think I definitely left a bad impression on him and he won�t want to continue. It also seems like he cares about me a lot still. Will it ever be the same? Do I try to salvage our relationship or do I fight it off and leave myself with no one?
How do I talk to him without feeling like a complete loser?
I hurt him and yet I want to go back to having a relationship with him. No I don�t deserve one.
Jenna
*Song: Papa Roach � Scars.
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