I Quit
Wednesday, Oct. 18, 2006 @ 03:40
I�m here to stay, but I finally quit swimming. It has been really hard and I�ve had a chance to talk to my landlord�s wife and she�s not too pleased. She just wants me to find a new coach as soon as possible or else swimming will be too hard to get back in to. She�s right, of course, but she seems to think I live the life of an Olympic �figure skater� and pick and choose my coaches whenever I want.
It took me a while to write about this because I had to sleep it off. Everytime I got an email about swimming, it made me too upset and the only thing I could do to avoid it is sleep. It helps but for only a little while. I still haven�t replied to them and that should be the easiest thing, but I just can�t bring myself to do it. Its funny because my coach wants it more than I do. He can only treat me bad for so long and I finally pushed back. It got so bad as to he would use other people as his messengers to talk to me. Four and a half years is a long time to put up with bull crap. My other team mates aren�t talking to me but they can go to hell. They exorcise their mouths more than their bodies anyways.
I feel so free after leaving that kind of environment. I doubt I�ll be able to find another coach here because all the Brantford coaches have full schedules. Parents are paying thousands of dollars for their kids to swim and I don�t have that. I just have the guarantee that the coach gets to travel a lot. I need the money that swimming brought me but no way I am putting up with that coaches crap. I don�t need to be stressed out, especially before school. I will listen to my landlord�s wife and �network� and find out what I can do. I shouldn�t enjoy this freedom for too long. Who knows? I may enjoy another swimming environment even more!
I emailed the national coach and he won�t even listen to me. I can only imagine how bad it looks on me to quit. He only wants me to go to Africa to be on the relay team. My LL�s wife suggested I ask him about finding another coach but I don�t think he wants to help because he seems to think the one I had was the best for me. I also told him I needed money to attend all the practices because I paid for all my essentials in Texas, payed swim Ontario membership, and I also got a new swimsuit and goggles. I always used that money for swimming things first. I don�t even know if he would allow me to be back on the National Team with a different coach.
Another reason why I get so depressed is I still have to tell my mother. The only way to not make her mad at me is to tell her my coach kicked me off the team and that I need to find a coach who will actually listen to me. She really wants me to go to Africa, but at the same time as the trip is when all the graduation photos are taking place. Maybe she won�t be too disappointed. It�s hard to say. She�ll probably come to Brantford and just rip the coaches head right off. She hates him to begin with so she wouldn�t believe him if he tells her I just quit.
I am tired of having to sleep a lot. I can�t afford to be depressed. I�ll lose everything I worked so hard for. I would disappoint so many people and give that many more so much to laugh at. I feel like a failure for throwing so much away.
Brant Power reinversed my mother but sent the cheque here and I really want the money. She said I could have it but it doesn�t have my name on it! I should just send it to her so she can deposit it into my account. I am planning on getting a BCI school ring so that�s why I need money.
Damn I want money. I never thought it would be me complaining about money.
Jenna
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