Never have any Time
Saturday, Oct. 18, 2003 @ 22:56
Ah, I finally didn�t have a boring weekend. I went to a movie with my cousin this evening. Run Down. It was actually good, but I wish I could say it was boring and complain about it. But fine, I can admit I was happy for once, and ate a lot. But I haven�t made myself throw up for a longtime until tonight. I felt like I had to. But then I thought about my homework.
So yeah... For one weekend I finally ended up having lots of homework. Now it�s my friends who aren�t busy and start bugging me, and that�s not good cause I am easily distracted. But I still managed to find time to write in here.
Lucky it�s lots of easy work. This week our class did this activity where we had to describe someone by using four colours, and put them in order that suits them. �Curious-Green, Responsible-Gold, Harmonious-Blue, and Adventurous-Orange� was what I thought I was, but three people said that I was �Responsible-Gold, Curious-Green, Harmonious-Blue, and Adventurous-Orange� I wish one of the options was quiet/shy/mysterious-Black. Those colours were supposed to represent personality traits. They were close. They thought of me as organized, responsible, and quiet; as I thought of myself as logical, factual, like to think things through, a true thinker. You can�t really show those characteristics unless your really social, which I�m not. I probably am perceived as really social the way I talk so much in here. In reality, I wish I was, but then I get really nervous, then these little panic attacks, and it gives me that choking feeling. And if they last long enough, I get depressed. Well, I can�t really pinpoint the panic attacks to the nervousness. It�s hard to say. Sometimes it gets so bad. I�m surprised I�m even talking about it. There�s no way I could tell the counselor though. Which leads me to my next topic.
Seems like I�m not being counseled anymore. Oh Goth, that sounds so stupid. I swore I didn�t skip any of the times, but it�s like she has no sense of tracking time. So she says that she scheduled times that she�s not supposed to work, but just to schedule specially for me, but then she�s never there. I guess I�m not special enough then. Or my problems are not worthy to her. Well that�s usual. I didn�t tell her much yet anyway, and she�s probably mad about that, and she even tried taking me out of swimming! But the coach yelled at her, and then at me because he thought I gave her that idea.
So I totally give up on this, it�s stupid. People act like they care but then they never schedule their time for someone. And I�m willing to give the same respect back.
I still can�t believe I made myself throw up again tonight. My face is all flushed and my cousin noticed... I just told him that �it is really warm in here� but really I am freezing. *shivers* And I really have to go and warm up now...
Jenna
*Song: Evanescence � �haunted�
Miss these?
Letting It Go - Sunday, Mar. 09, 2008
Moment of Disbelief - Thursday, Mar. 06, 2008
What the... - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
No More Cavities - Friday, Feb. 29, 2008
Ridiculousness - Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008