A Good Idea or a bad idea, why can�t I tell?
Monday, Oct. 11, 2004 @ 23:56
Just so much has happened for a while, I was hardly near my laptop to write down everything. That doesn�t really matter. At least I got the concert and the trip. Time made me rush because I was writing between assignments. I wanted to write then, not that I had to or anything. I should have done more during my spare, but it�s not a permanent spare. The weather was too nice.
I�ve got to say; I just got back from Montreal, yes again, for shopping. We are renting a car, so we didn�t have to go by train, which takes forever to get there. Once there, we ate at a really disgusting restaurant where the food was hardly cooked and cold, and they said that we didn�t have to pay for the meal. More money for shopping then. I don�t understand something though, in Ontario I am an extra small, but in Montreal I am a large. What a difference. I got a inverted pentagram, an amethyst ring, three shirts, and two pants. Time really flew while we were there.
I also went to see The Forgotten and The First Daughter. The Forgotten is awesome and The First Daughter was boring, I was dragged to see it anyway. I am looking forward to seeing three movies, but Some Kind of Monster I will get on DVD. Yeah, I am Metallica obsessed, they�ve really cleaned up their act, they are doing what�s best for them and that�s awesome. I used to hate them believe it or not. Well anyway, I want to see The Grudge witch is going out next week, and there is one with Anthony H. next month, but I forget what it�s called.
Okay, I really can�t avoid this topic anymore. A lot that I�ve done will factor in to the decision I need to make during the next two weeks. This is about swimming. Swim team begins the first of November. Should I? Should I not? Thomas fell, he got sucked into swimming this year. He basically flip-flopped around saying that he would take a year off, then he just suddenly said that he was swimming. I told him I wouldn�t, then that I would. I told everyone that I would, even my mother who expects a lot from me. I talked to the head coach and he says that my attitude has changed. He says that they don�t hold grudges and that they would like to see me swim again of course. I told them I was convinced, that I was sure to swim. Now I�m not. I�ve thought it through and through again. I am not looking forward to seeing the same people, but then again I don�t want to let them all down.
I am majorly conflicted. I won�t lie by saying that I would be happier if I weren�t swimming, because I won�t be happy either way. I don�t want to swim just because Thomas is. I want to do this for me, but I don�t know what I want. There are reasons for me not to swim besides the coach. Is it really worth to train hard just for one little week in the summer? Which won�t pay my tuition anyway. I don�t want to commit to six practices or more per week. I don�t want to get stressed. If I do, I better be allowed the hell out.
The level I am at, swimming isn�t fun anymore, it�s very competitive. Don�t get me wrong, I like competition. But will I end up hurting myself if I don�t improve enough? I don�t want to go through that again. If I am going to swim, I want it to be a fun experience. It looks as if the coach will want much more than that though.
I just don�t know, I need more time to think it through.
Jenna
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