When the going gets tough...
Sunday, Mar. 05, 2006 @ 16:57
Oh I am not a happy Jenna right now! How can I make sense without sticking a whole bunch of swear words together? Never mind, it�s my diary. I have a dirty mouth and I�m not afraid to spit everywhere.
First off, I should question my own values. Clearly I have gotten myself in this mess. Explanation? I am young. I want to have fun. I want to party. My actions have proved to be counterproductive. I am a loser, and I�m a whore! You can only enjoy the life for so long. Of course the bad comes with the good.
I drink to the point where I black out. I don�t remember shit I�ve done or said. It was a while back in here I wrote about this guy. �Mysterious guy.� Curtis. The one who is quite older than me, brown hair, sexy beard and moustache, and much built. He�s the kind of guy who doesn�t want the cops to see him. He�s on probation with a curfew but it�s his last week on it. Not a charming guy at all. Absolutely hates talking on the phone. Everyone said, �Jenna, he doesn�t like you.� I still don�t know what I like about this guy. So I spent some time with him on Friday night. To be blunt, I slept with him. Do I remember much? No! He was taking ecstasy and I drank a lot of shots of jack Daniels. We were both fucked! At least he is the one with the memories. Alcohol is worse than ecstasy. But anyways, we were partying at my friends place, and somehow Curtis and I ended up in my apartment. I remember we left because this guy Donny went crazy, crying about wanting to go home, and beating up anyone who was negatively effecting him. After me and Curtis left, you know who got called and took Donny away. Back at my apartment I think I had fun. No regrets. He woke up four hours later. I made him coffee, called a taxi for him, and he left. Now that I think about it, he may never come back here. Not like I really want to see him now....
For some reason a lot of my friends don�t like what I was doing. They really don�t like what I did. On Saturday I went to visit again. Curtis wasn�t there and that�s when all the shit started. I was drinking again but not as heavily so I remember everything. I tried calling Curtis and everyone knew who I was calling. I don�t think he wanted to talk to me because I was drinking. You know it�s bad when you only want to talk to someone under the influence of something. So I couldn�t talk to him and by now my friends were making fun of me. Yasir made me the angriest because he said �All you deserve is a one-night�s stand.� At that point me and Chelsea left. I never knew they could be such ass wholes and I went out of my way to get them some beer and Pepsi for the hard liquor.
Once I got back home I just cried. I still feel really bad. Yasir leaves me a message saying to call him back if I am mature enough to get this sorted out. Well excuse me? Who the fuck would be immature enough to want to talk to him. No guilt trips will work on me buddy.
Usually I don�t feel so angry for this long. It�s making me feel really high and it�s hard to type now.
Jenna
*Song: Three Doors down � Here without You
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