Things end so easily
Sunday, Jan. 04, 2004 @ 02:40
New years ended up to be very boring but it was what I expected. No matter how boring it was time managed to go by to fast. All I did was:
1. Download movies and couldn�t go on the internet much cause this computer would crash and the movies would be interrupted and it�s a hassle to get them downloaded again. I think I actually spent to much time on the computer although we did go to visit friends a lot. Along with downloading I was listening to no holds bard radio (nhbradio.com:8000 in win amp) a really stupid (and I mean stupid) but very funny station. Especially Friday nights at 8 EDT. My boyfriend was the one who introduced me to NHB. Although I find it stupid, its good entertainment since I don�t do much else on the computer anyways.
2. I chatted a lot with my cousin who is now already on the bus back to Ontario. I also chatted a lot on ventrilo but my microphone doesn�t work anymore for unknown reasons.
Yesterday I spent a long time chatting on the phone with one of my friends Ben whom I haven�t heard from for 3 months and already I was getting worried. He�s a really funny guy and I was surprised to find out that he lost touch with a lot of people from school.
3. Played music really loud over my amplifier (which was $2000 worth but I got it for free) while chasing my cat around. Then I grabbed the catnip and she started chasing me. I put my cross on her and she walked around on the wood floor. I guess she liked the sound of it cause she then walked in circles around me while the cross dragged on the floor. My cat just loves attention.
So, I did not do anything special. I know for a fact a week ago there would have been no vacation at all. As soon as mum got back from Kingston she kicked her ex-boyfriend out. I would have never guessed. They weren�t fighting. All she told him was �I don�t love you anymore,� and he left. I didn�t witness this, mum told me after. Basically she told him she was afraid of him, and because he still smokes, she claims she can�t breathe around him. She even told me she had to end it before it got to deep. Well mum, I think it did get to deep.
That day, only hours before mum arrived, he was, how do I say, devastated. I never seen a guy that distraught before, my mum really hurt him. I don�t mean to sound crazy but his crying sounded like laughter. Before he left he asked me if I wanted anything, food, and even money. I refused.
Then he told me to tell mum he still loves her. After, I heard him packing up and crying, I was just blank in the face. I was a little confused by my mother�s actions. I said to myself, it�s hard to say �good-bye.�
On another note, I can�t believe school starts again on Monday. Wow, I haven�t swam for 2 weeks now, and it will be nice to get back in to swimming again.
A lot of people were asking me about new years resolutions and I said I didn�t have any. Really I do. I thought about it a lot and I came up with two of them.
First one is no cutting, but really... I don�t know how long I can keep that promise.
Second is to simply swim more often, even on weekends now. I really want to make it to Athens. So far I have a lot of support for that and I don�t want to disappoint anyone.
Both resolutions seem next to impossible for me. There is so much pressure for both, even now more friends know about the self-mutilating.
To end this off I just wanted to say that I am working on modifying a new design. I think its going to be the best I ever had.
Jenna
Song Evanescence � �Anything for you�
Miss these?
Letting It Go - Sunday, Mar. 09, 2008
Moment of Disbelief - Thursday, Mar. 06, 2008
What the... - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
No More Cavities - Friday, Feb. 29, 2008
Ridiculousness - Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008