I can't think
Thursday, Aug. 28, 2003 @ 07:27
Oh... So many thoughts were going around in my head and now nothing. My evanescence CD wont play and that makes me really mad. And now I sound like a little child complaining about what I cant get. Fuck! Just those songs always get to me. I know exactly what she sings about, her words make so much sense to me. I never, ever heard a singer like that before. She has the voice of an angel, even I cant match it. No one can! They shall be cursed if they try. *Just kitting.
The solitude, its all here with me now, and all I want to do is listen; some Goths hate her because some of her make-up is purple and not black. Well, I want to listen to her beautiful depressing music. Oh yeah, she happens to be on MTV tonight. Some how I do get that in Canada, you know?
Yay! I got it to work now. Now I have evanescence, playing my song. One of my favourite songs: Tourniquet. �Am I too lost, am I too lost to be saved?� Now I have everything here with me: laptop, cat, and music. Now am getting the chills, soooo beautiful. So depressing.
But why do I feel so depressed? Why do I want this loneliness? My brain is running wild trying to find all these answers. I am just scared of going back to school, and seeing everyone, how sometimes I think I am hated. I don�t understand. All those other years I couldn�t wait to get back to school, but now I can. I want to move so fucking badly but mum won�t understand, she won�t make the fucking money.
So unsure, my senses reeling. I just want to cry, nothing but this music understands me. But I cant cry, cause nothing is happening. I first cried to the song �my last breath� because it�s so beautiful.
�Hold on to me love,
you know I can't stay long,
all I wanted to say was I love you and i'm not afraid.
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
Holding my last breath,
safe inside myself,
are all my thoughts of you,
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight.�
*Shivers
Its getting really cold and I don�t know what else to write. I just couldn�t pretend to be so happy anymore. I just can�t think. It seems I emptied all my thoughts.
Jenna
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