Well whatever, if you want to stay friends, that�s cool, if not, then its not a big deal.
Friday, Jun. 11, 2004 @ 18:30
�Why do u hate me sometimes? I don�t deserve to be ragged on like this, I�m always worrying about what I do cause you might get mad at it. I always have to watch what I say and do, I cant swear, I can�t talk about Simpson�s with Andrew, I can�t goof off, I can�t say who�s good looking, cause you will get mad. its what I do. I cant change myself, and sorry if you don�t like it. I should be able to be myself without always looking over my shoulder to see if your there cause you might get mad at what I say. If you hear me say something that you don�t like, you�d get pissed. I didn�t say I liked other girls. I only said they were hot. There�s nothing wrong with that, it�s normal. If you take it to seriously, then I don�t know what to say. You just can�t get all upset over what I say. It don�t mean anything cause there�s no reason for it. Do u like staying mad at people? or just me? You know what? If your not going to let things go then I don�t think this is going to work. I really don�t have a choice, unless your willing not to get all uptight about everything I do. I don�t want to end this, but it looks like I�m going to have to.�
And so he did. It�s over for me and Tyler. We were fighting on msn for 3 hours and just gave up.
I am not mad, at him. I hate my self. I never realized I was so controlling. It�s alright if we never talk again cause it�s what I deserve. My actions were completely unjustified. One thing I will point out though is that it is not normal to mention every single hot bitch to your girlfriends. So girls, don�t take that shit. I stand my ground on that one. Otherwise, he�s right. I deserved to have lost a good relationship.
It�s been easy for me not to face him since he�s been in the hospital for god knows what. I want him to get better but yet, I don�t want to see him. Not now.
So I bleed again. I�ll just keep digging this black hole for myself. There�s no worrying about my scars being found and questioned about. I�ll just let myself beat me down. I�ve dealt through this before. It�s okay that they all hate me, besides he has a lot more friends than me. It�s fine that no one will e-mail me or ask me if I�m okay because I won�t talk to anyone. It�s alright that I let my eyes tear and rip my skin exposing bloody flesh because I should have just let my self go with my first love anyway. This pain has always gripped me before. I just hope I can make it to the concert this summer.
Miss these?
Letting It Go - Sunday, Mar. 09, 2008
Moment of Disbelief - Thursday, Mar. 06, 2008
What the... - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
No More Cavities - Friday, Feb. 29, 2008
Ridiculousness - Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008