A lesson learned is one that hurts the most
Sunday, June 06, 2004 @ 21:15
I don�t know what to say. I wish I was more happy instead of just trying to make everyone happy. Usually I just go on saying " oh don�t worry about it.... Oh, it�s okay... Yeah of course I�m fine. Everything is great. Just don�t worry about me" and I keep on smiling and smiling...
I bet if it wasn�t for this diary, only a few people would actually know the real me. You would all just see my smile and assume everything was okay on the other end. I know I should be happy, I've got my health, people who care about me... I get to live life with a couple little luxuries, but sometimes when just one thing is missing it doesn�t feel right.
I seem all right to people, like I have everything to live for but there is a piece missing and the more you spend time with me the more noticeable it is. Especially to me. I know something is missing, I feel it and until my life is complete I will feel out of place.
Sometimes life just isn�t a field of roses but a field of thorns.. You learn to go along carefully and steadily and every now and then, no matter how careful you are, you get snagged by a thorn and what happens? You bleed. It hurts but as you go on you forget about the pain and it heals until you get pricked again. I've got to learn that the thorns are the price I pay for enjoying my beautiful field of roses. It�s a hard lesson and as I get pricked, don�t try and rush to my aid. Just let me do it on my own. Let me learn to deal with it and heal.
Jenna
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