Thinking About Life
Thursday, Dec. 20, 2007 @ 21:11
It has been a long time since I had a nice warm bath. I thought about a lot of things. I always say I wish I was more like you and I mean it. Everyone else seems to have better qualities, traits, characteristics, attributes. Everyone else has a better attitude than me, is more patient than me, is more positive than me. I never stop and think I AM HAPPY TO BE ME, well I mean I do, but rarely. It's that problem of never looking inside for the answers but instead eternally seeking someone to tell me THE SECRET OF LIFE. There is no secret is what I'm coming to realize, and I have to painfully tear myself away from looking to other people to find myself.
I think I have to figure out a lot about myself. I have to do this on my own and just be by myself. I have to stop settling and stop compromising myself. I have to know firmly what I believe and stick to that. I think. But what do I know! I'm trying to figure it all out and have it make sense.
I feel like I'm waiting for my real life to begin, but when will that be? What will make it my real life as opposed to this shadow life I'm living now? I need to start my life. I need to get my shit together. I need to make sure that 2008 isn't the worst year of my life to date, but maybe ends up being a good year. And I know that using a calendar year is so arbitrary a marker for making change happen, but it's so close and it's a way to divide up time and, whatever, maybe it will help inspire me.
Jenna
Miss these?
Letting It Go - Sunday, Mar. 09, 2008
Moment of Disbelief - Thursday, Mar. 06, 2008
What the... - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
No More Cavities - Friday, Feb. 29, 2008
Ridiculousness - Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008