Can�t do anything but cry
Sunday, Aug. 31, 2003 @ 04:01
Kind of hard to explain but these past days were a bit, well, hectic.
Most of my friends stopped emailing me but mainly because I am not replying, I�m sure. I would love to say I miss them but I don�t.
Recently on a chat, I was called a �bitch�, for no apparent reason. Actually I got a kick out of it because �look who�s talking!� Pahahahahah!
But I will do the most mature thing you can do. Ignore them all and hope one day they will grow up too. Maybe this time I can become more distant, and they won�t get to know me, perhaps? I�ve always been known to be quiet. But this time, I will be silent. You won�t even know I was there.
I had lots of time to myself lately, and I basically cried. Yep. Cried and listened to Evanescence (I can�t believe she didn�t win anything on MTV awards, I really hate them!)...
And feeling this cloud of pain hanging over me, lingering wherever I go. I love the way my mind can wonder. Its cool cause the mind has no limits. It just doesn�t care. And I love it. Intriguing...
I had a nice chat with someone who I probably never see again. Ouch! A graduate from the school. Basically, just job stuff, and his future doesn�t look that bright, he wishes he took my path. Cry cry cry.. Its what I do best. But I have been feeling this sadness for too long. It�s scary. I already lost control. It�s like one huge cycle that goes around and around... I hate this! When will it ever end? The crying makes nothing better. There�s no pain worse enough to feel. Now... The pain I am talking about is, bleeding. I know I not the only person out here who uses pins, so if I am hated for this, then so be it... The cutting and biting have been a part of my habits for so long, and yet I never felt I could write about it in here. I can�t just drop it. Merely for the blood. Yes, yesterday my mum has noticed. Why do mums always seem to find out things? But I convinced her it was the cat, and now she wants to get rid of her. Like! Hello! A solution for my mum�s sake is to just de-claw her, but then... what will my excuses be? *I hate this! My mother just came home drunk, but... Also with a drunk guy. Yelling, then a murmur, then they yell about ... yeah... How much they love each other... I have no clue that this guy is but apparently they known each other for a long time. Hmm. Song: Evanescence � �Breathe no more.�
We were pretty good friends for a number of years and, he noticed that I was becoming more �distant.�
I wanted to tell him, but no! Although we were friends, he�ll never see this other side of me. Just too vulnerable in that case. I hope that made sense.
Well, I better end it there.
JennaMiss these?
Letting It Go - Sunday, Mar. 09, 2008
Moment of Disbelief - Thursday, Mar. 06, 2008
What the... - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008
No More Cavities - Friday, Feb. 29, 2008
Ridiculousness - Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008