A Compendium of Suffering
Sunday, Mar. 14, 2004 @ 01:06
I feel like I am suffering. I have no idea how it started and I don�t know why it�s happening. I don't know how I will get through this. Maybe its just stress, but I feel like a psycho. I hate myself and I don't like people very much anymore. It doesn�t make me feel better writing this, in fact more depressed than ever. I should stop really. Feeling this way makes me seem so inhuman. I see no point in existing. My life sucks. I remember saying something like this before and it�s still true, also scary at the same time. The thing is, I don�t want people to worry about me at all always manage to find my way around this. What if one day I don�t? How long can a person deal with sadness or worrying?
I treated somebody pretty badly tonight but I think they kind of disserved it. I don�t feel the least bit sorry for them. After all, this person accused me of being jealous before so I don�t talk to them much just to prove I�m certainly not. Jealousy makes me feel like a bitch. No one (accept this person probably) would ever use that word to describe me. Talking to Aaron tonight made me feel better but the feeling was still mildly there. Of course I didn�t tell him about this. We are still getting to know each other and there is intense flirting. I know how badly he wants me to come back online.
I took this Intelligence quiz and was bugging Kylie about having a higher score than her. She only got 151 and I got 176 IQ. Everyone who I told was surprised, to bad. The person with the highest was 218. That is what I call smart. 176 are dumb since like 3 percent of people were smarter. I don�t want to know the average.
Well anyway I can�t my sweatshirts, and I am miserably cold. My mother and my cousin are sleeping and I am left here so bored I find the littlest pleasure in spinning the ankh around my fingers. I wish I had deep red nail polish to draw little ankhs over the black. For the rest of the night I will work on the design instead of pulling out the razor blades cause I honestly would since there is nothing holding me back.
If I survive though, the design will be up tomorrow. And that�s a promise.
Jenna
*Song: Evanescence � �Taking over me�
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